Who? How? What?

As most people know, the past 10 months or haven’t been exactly ideal. In a lot of people’s eyes, I guess you can say I’ve had a very unlucky, shitty past 10 months.

Just a quick recap for anyone new here:

  • Car accident where my car was totaled, my neck and back got f*cked up so I’ve been dealing with (and still am) PT, acupuncture, a fibro flare up, medication, doctor appointments, constant pain
  • Dad suddenly died
  • Maddy got out and almost gone forever (ok, being dramatic here, but that sucked)
  • Slipped and fell on ice and now have a sprained shoulder and in a sling

A lot of people have been asking me how I’ve been doing it. And honestly, I had no idea how to answer. A friend (acquaintance… I don’t know. One of those facebook friends you’ve met a few times through your friend’s, roommate’s, cousin’s neighbor). Anyway, this person reached out asking about everything and how I was doing. Then asked me to describe my personality since he didn’t really know too much about me and really wanted to understand me more and about how I was handling all these curveballs. “uhhhh…. My personality? Lemme get back to you on that”. I literally had no clue how to describe myself. It really got me thinking.

Who the f*ck am I?  

Here’s what I came up with:

  • Optimistic pessimist
  • Hopeless romantic (emphasis on the hopeless)
  • Cold hearted cynic who gives everyone the benefit of the doubt
  • Introverted Extrovert
  • Worrier
  • Scaredy-cat
  • Curious
  • Tired
  • People Pleaser

Looking at the list, I guess I’ve always been a bit of a walking oxymoron (emphasis on the moron). Which, is why have been absolutely awful, they have also kind of been great. In some small ways (trying to be a little optimistic here, because the pessimist in me knows that they F*CKING SUCKED.) They were great, because I just realized now I am a bit stronger than I give myself credit for. That I actually can overcome some hard-ass shit. 

I can do hard shit.

So, back to the original question…..

How do I do it?

How do I get up, and show up, everyday with all this nonsense life has decided to throw at me. I feel like I really don’t have a choice. As much as I would love to hide in bed and cry all day, what good would that do? I would let down my co-workers, my friends, my family. If I don’t show up, it’s not going to take away any of the shitty things going on. If I don’t show up, life isn’t going to go on.

The good thing is, that life is temporary. Life existed before all of this happened, and life will go on after. Nothing is permanent. Which, also sucks. Life is so temporary. I (and really, we all do) need to live each day because nothing is guaranteed. And it’s very, very unpredictable.

An adopted member of the Donnelly family reached out to me and said:

 “Breathe deeply and be the strong bitch that you and I know you are. But don’t forget to cry when you need to”

And that is exactly what I plan to do.

-J

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