I went back and forth on whether or not I wanted to share this experience. It is extremely personal and I know some people don’t really believe in this kinda thing. But, I have a few thoughts on that:
- I’ve shared so many other personal aspects of my life, so why not add this to the list?
- If someone doesn’t believe in this, that is their right and opinion. And it’s my right and opinion to believe it in it and talk about it. I’m a very open minded person. I’ll listen to your beliefs and expect you to listen to mine.
I am relaying this information the best of my memory, as it was told to me. I know that different cards may have different meaning to other people, but this is my experience and my story.
Growing up I was skeptical of psychic readings, and knew nothing about tarot cards. Over the past few years I’ve adapted more of a “I believe in the universe” type mindset, and began to look more into all this. I don’t have a strong religion (although I was born and raised Catholic and spent all but 2 years of my life, including college, in a Catholic school). I have such respect for anyone who has a strong religious belief, and for all religions. Honestly, I wish I had something I believed in like that. I do believe in the power of the universe though. The universe seems to have a bigger plan for me, and knows what I need more than I do. Guiding me down a very windy path, and putting me where I need to be, when I need to be there.
Okay, so. Let’s get to it. My trip to the psychic. The past few months I’ve felt lost. Who am I? What am I? What am I doing? Where should I be? Am I doing okay, or totally f*cked up? I have a lot of questions. It kept popping in my mind to go to a psychic. Why not? Worst case, I lose out on a little bit of time and money, but gain a new, hopefully interesting, experience.
I got a recommendation from a friend, reached out, and setup an appointment for 4th of July to go get a tarot card reading and psychic consultation. I was excited, nervous, and a little scared. Was this going to be fake? Can I trust it? I reached out to her on Instagram, so clearly she has access to sooooooo much about my life, but, she said she didn’t look at it and likes to go into it without knowing any background about me. I know some people think she probably lied and stalked me, but she seemed so genuine, and I trust her, so please don’t ruin this for me. I tried to push all that out of my mind and I went in with clear intentions of some topics I wanted and needed clarity on.
When I got there we chatted a bit, I pet her cat, and we got down to business. She handed me the cards and I began shuffling, and going through my intentions in my mind, and tried to focus and be centered. As I shuffled, a card jumped out and fell on the floor. I kept this card, because clearly I needed it. Then, I chose 10 cards for the reading.
Card 1 (the jumper)
This is the card that jumped out and was meant for me. She explained that this card shows 2 very different versions of me. 2 different people. 2 years ago, I was lost, confused, insecure, and now I am confident, know more of who I am, and what I want. That even though I don’t see it and believe it, I have experienced tremendous personal and professional growth. (A little over 2 years ago I got a new job and blindly moved to Phoenixville….. we were off to a good start)
Card 2: Knight of Wands
This card symbolizes my career and success. It shows I hold all of my success in my hands and I am in control. She said that this will be a great year for my career, and I am going to grow and be very successful. She said she sees me being happy in my current job, but in my future she sees something creative and flexible, where I am my own boss. She said she sees me having a hard time giving up my current career path, but that this is a great stepping stone and learning experience for me. She kept reiterating the creative side. (Ummmm… creative, my writing? OKAY.)
Card 3: Page of Pentacles
This card symbolizes home, and a new feeling that I am experiencing. She asked if I recently moved or was moving. I told her that I moved to Phoenixville a little over 2 years ago, and felt very at home here. She said she feels that I am comfortable here, and have a lot of opportunity for success.
I forget the name of this card, but this card symbolizes more success in relationships and connections. More friendships, some more lasting than others, and some professional that can help me reach my goals and dreams. Also, some connections to help make Phoenixville feel even more like home.
Card 5: The Hermit
This card shows that I feel lost, and that “I feel like a giant question mark” I was telling someone that I wanted to do this, and used the phrase “I feel like my life and my soul is a giant question mark right now and I need some guidance. She had absolutely NO WAY of knowing this and now I’m totally freaking out and convinced that I made the right decision. She said that I feel like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I don’t know how to get there. She told me that I have the tools I need to get there, but I need to be patient and confident. (Not my strongest points)
Card 6: Judgement
This card was a little tough. She said recently I have lost some friendships. That people feel I have distanced myself, and have changed. Which is true and has been hard for me to deal with. She said it’s all part of my growth, and that I have nothing I need to be sorry for. That some people are very critical without knowing the real me, and that I do not need those people in my life.
This card shows balance. She said I used to not have balance, and over the past few months have been learning and more conscious of finding that. This is for work/life balance, and also for general life. That I’m learning to take care of myself before i can take care of others. That I’m learning to say No to things I don’t need, and Yes to things that challenge me and help me grow.
Card 8: The Fool
This is a card that is about a family member I have been worrying about. That they are okay, but need space. I need to let them know I love them, and am here for them, without being pushy and overbearing. They will be okay, but need to do it on their own time. (I spoke to this person and reminded them how much I love them.)
Card 9: The Moon
Well. We turned this card over, and her face got serious. She said “This card is saying you are grieving. You recently lost someone very close to you. This person feels you aren’t ready for a strong presence in dreams and life, but they love you and are here to guide you. They feel they lost time with you and they regret that. They know there was more you both needed from each other. They are having a hard time dealing with it too.”
Dad. It’s dad. After she finished the reading about the card she asked if I wanted to share who I lost and I told her about how close we were, and how much I love him and miss him. I told her how quickly we lost him. How all I want is a sign from him. If you think I’m crying now, you should have seen me then.
Card 10: Temperance
This card shows a strong male relationship. Someone who feels they can trust me and open up to me. Someone who will be a long term, solid relationship. It will start as a strong friendship, and transition into more. Someone who will take care of me and put as much into the relationship as I do. Someone who will never stop appreciating me.
More on this after card 11……..
Card 11: King of Swords
This card is the same man in card 10. This card shows he used to not know what he wanted in a relationship but now he does. That he used to have his head in the clouds, but now is grounded. He will always worry about finances, but will always be okay.
So, I told her I was no skeptical, because I am VERY single. She said this isn’t someone I’m currently dating. But someone I have met in some aspect of my life, but not sure when/how. It could be someone I said hello to on the street, or someone I was/am friends with. She reiterated that this is going to turn into a solid, long term relationship, but that I need to be open to it.
Whew. I know, this is a lot, but we are almost done. A few more things we talked about:
- Travel and being by the water and in nature is good for me. I need to do more of that. it makes me feel more connected and grounded.
- Since I’m finding more balance and focusing on self-care, my health issues will be improving over time.
- She asked if I write in coffee shops and bars. I do. She told me to keep doing that, because I am meant to make connections in doing so, and that she feels it is very inspiring for me.
- My aura is all colors. I have no idea what that means, but when I joked that I always feel I have a cold, black heart, she told me I couldn’t be more wrong. I need to educate myself on this.
- My energy is all over the place and I have a hard time focusing and getting centered. She said I used to be, and that it will help. She suggested yoga.
- She told me people are drawn to me and want to be around me. That they want my advice. That I have a unique way of communicating that people appreciate and want to hear what I have to say. That people trust me.
- She told me that I have a wall up between my aura and chakras. I honestly have no idea what that means, but I am going to learn more about that too.
- She told me that I am great at giving love, but terrible at receiving it. That I have a wall up. She told me that when I meet people (aka possibly the mystery man in cards 10 and 11) I give off a vibe that I am unavailable, and i need to make a conscious effort to change that. She said that I am not confident in myself and I need to start seeing myself the way others see me. She said when someone does show interest in me I put the wall up higher, essentially friendzone them, and that I need to stop doing it. (That is EXACTLY what I do, and I know it’s a problem)
Well, if you made it this far, thank you. It’s been a journey.
Until next time,
Please feel free to browse through my blog for other posts, or check out some articles I have written for Thought Catalog here.